Quotes Funny (1229 Designs)

I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m freakin stupid.

Cranky woman with big boobs. Hated by many, loved by plenty. Heart on her sleeve, fire in her soul & a mouth she can’t control.

I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes outta my mouth.

I’m not old. I can still remember my childhood phone number but can’t remember the password I created yesterday.

Nope, I can’t go to hell. Satan has a restraining order against me.

If we switched back to cursive and stick shift vehicles, we could cripple an entire generation.

Sometimes my humbleness makes people think they can play with me.

Some people... are like... a bag of pampers: self-absorbed & full of crap.

No one needs to be less white, black or brown. Please just focus on being less dumb.

As a short woman, I can be stubborn as a mule, sweet as tea, angry as hornet or loyal like a soldier. It all depends on you.

My brain says, “Let’s do something exciting today.” My body says, “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Skilled workers are hard to find, that’s why idiots are promoted to management.

Don’t piss this old cranky woman off. I will put you in the trunk and help people look for you.

People want me to tiptoe around their feelings while they tap dance all over mine. Remember, I can dance too.

1. Yes, my dark little heart skips a happy beat when I see karma catch up to somebody who deserves it.

Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

They say, life is too short to hold grudges. I say, life is too long to be letting people get away with the same bullcrap.

When I was a kid there were two ways to die: natural causes and talking back to your parents

Studies have found that women who are a little out of shape live longer than the men who mention it.

Someone just called me normal. I have never been so insulted in my entire life.

Still the most magical day of my life was the day I became a mom and a grandma.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

This woman has fought a thousand battles and is still standing. Has cried a thousand tears and is still smiling.

Has my mouth gotten me in trouble? Yup. Has it pushed some people away? Yup. Am I going to stop speaking my mind

My parents spanked me as a child as a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

I’ve been called rebellious, wrong, a black sheep. Different... because I refuse to be what everyone else is. I stand by my beliefs.

Sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid I thought you knew.

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy person overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

When I was young I pitied the old now old it is the young I pity.

I wonder why we are so obsessed with finding intelligent life on other planets when we can’t even find intelligent life on this planet.

I live in a world where the intelligent must keep quiet so that the stupid will not be offended.

You call it OCD I call it put the freaking thing back where it belongs.

Be strong but not rude. Be kind but not weak. Be humble but not shy. Be proud but not arrogant.