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Short girls look so sweet and cute until you piss us off. Then we are like a chipmunk with rabies.

Still the most magical day of my life was the day I became a mom and a grandma.

They say, life is too short to hold grudges. I say, life is too long to be letting people get away with the same bullcrap.

I hate it when people can't see the wrong in their actions but see the wrong in mine.

I think way too many people have been drinking from the fountain of stupidity.

This woman has fought a thousand battles and is still standing, has cried a thousand tears and is still smiling, has been broken & betrayed but still walks proud.

Nobody hides pain better than a grandma that's trying to keep everyone & everything together... Her family is her everything.

No one needs to be less white, black or brown. Please just focus on being less dumb.

I watch people and wonder how some of them found their way out of the birth canal.

As a short woman, I can be stubborn as a mule, sweet as tea, angry as hornet or loyal like a soldier. It all depends on you.

I’m putting myself into timeout until I can play nice. This may take a while because stupid people are everywhere.

Someone just called me normal. I have never been so insulted in my entire life.

I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got five fingers and the middle one’s for you.

I’m not old. I woke up, I lifted my arms, I moved my knees, I turned my neck. Everything made the same noise: Crrr aaackkk! I came to a conclusion: I’m not old, I’m crispy.

Watch out! I’m having one of those days where I’m holding a stick and everyone looks like a piñata.

Skilled workers are hard to find. That’s why idiots are promoted to management.

Dear life, when I said it couldn’t get any worse, I didn’t mean that as a challenge.

Some people need a shock collar, and I need the remote.

A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I’m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.

I am putting myself in timeout until I can play nice with others. This may take a while because stupid people are everywhere.

At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is the easy part. Getting off the floor is a whole other story.

1. Gotta grab my dumbrella. It’s raining idiots out there.

Once I start smiling in an argument, go ahead and call the police on me. You’ll need them.

I don’t know when exactly that UFO landed and dumped all these stupid people, but they apparently are not coming back for them.

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.

There’s nothing I can’t do except reach the top shelf. I can’t do that.

Hold my halo. I am about to do unto others as they have done unto me.

Lead me not into temptation. Oh, who am I kidding? Follow me. I know a shortcut.

I will paint a house with a Q-tip before I worry about why you aren’t speaking to me.

When Mom says “No”, ask Grandma! When Grandma says “No”, call in the boss. That’s right… Great Grandma. Great Grandma’s rule.

If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me.

To those who watch my life and gossip about it, don’t give up. Season 2 is coming.

Sorry this guy is already taken by a super sexy girlfriend.

They call me aunt because partner in crime makes me sound like a bad influence.

Don’t mess with me my aunt is crazy and she will punch you in the face very hard.