Quotes Funny (1275 Designs)

When I think about you, I touch myself. Meaning I rub my temples, because you give me a fucking migraine.

I found this in my pocket. It's for you.

Sorry we're late, I was being a little 💩.

A badass dad raised a smartass daughter.

Everytime you call me a bitch, I laugh because I knew that years ago.

I'm the crazy grandma everyone warned you about. Mess with my grandkids, my angels, you better run for your life because I'm coming after you & hell's coming with me.

I suffer from that disorder where I speak the truth and y'all get offended.

It's simple. Don't mess with my kids. Trust me, I'm one woman you don't want to cross, 'cause you have no idea what I'm capable of.

Somewhere in heaven my mother is smiling down on me.

Nope I can't go to hell Satan still has a restraining order against me.

If you can't say it to my face. Keep your fucking mouth shut.

I'm not spoiled I'm just loved protected and well taken care of by the best husband in the world.

I'm not anti-social. I just don't tolerate drama and fake people.

People in front of me driving responsibly & going the speed limit: Me: Oooommmmyyyggggggoddddd fuuuuccckkinnnnggggoooooooooooo!!!

Go ahead call the cops I am still kicking your ass till they get here.

Aunt & nephew best freakin' partner in crime ever.

Best fucking auntie & godmother ever.

When I gave a fuck I was taken for granted but when I said fuck it I become the bad guy.

Don’t flirt with me. I love my wife. She is a crazy bitch. She will murder you.

By the power vested me, I now pronounce you… blocked & deleted. You may now… kiss my ass.

You call it “road rage”. I call it aggressively maneuvering around assholes that don’t know how to fucking drive.

My husband thinks I’m freaking crazy, but I’m not the one who married me.

I never dreamed I’d be this crazy grandma with the cutest grandkids ever, but here I am.

Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot I only exist when you need something.

Part mama bear, protective. Part mama llama, calm & chill. Part mama shark, my brain is do-do-do-do. 15. (a18)

Turtles are green, ducks go quack. We’re best friends cause our heads are equally whack!

Back off! I have a crazy brother and I’m not afraid to use him.

I go from baby fever to no more kids real quick.

I think I need glasses because I keep seeing a lot of people with two faces.

My mom always wonders where I get my attitude from. You homegirl. I get it from you.

I’m the type of girl who will punch you in the face rather than stab you in the back!

If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If grandma ain’t happy… run!

As I grew older, I thought the best part of my life was over. Then I saw my first grandchild and realized the best part of my life had just begun.

Everybody has that auntie that will cuss everyone out. That’s me. I’m that auntie.

My mom is that bitch and I’m that bitch Jr.

When you finish talking bad about me, don’t forget to tell them the good things I did for you.