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I’m not clumsy! It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way!

I’m not clumsy! It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way!

My kids accuse me of having a favorite child, which is ridiculous because I don’t like any of them. My grandbabies are my favorite.

My kids accuse me of having a favorite child, which is ridiculous because I don’t like any of them. My grandbabies are my favorite.

Kinda have baby fever. Kinda think I have too many kids already.

Kinda have baby fever. Kinda think I have too many kids already.

I need to go on medication so I can slap stupid people and blame it on the side effects.

I need to go on medication so I can slap stupid people and blame it on the side effects.

Sometimes I open my mouth and my father comes out.

Sometimes I open my mouth and my father comes out.

I’m a proud nana of a smartass granddaughter.

I’m a proud nana of a smartass granddaughter.

Short girls are so mean because they are closer to hell.

Short girls are so mean because they are closer to hell.

My mouth has no filter. I say whatever I please, and most of the time I’m just as shocked as you.

My mouth has no filter. I say whatever I please, and most of the time I’m just as shocked as you.

Auntitude. What is auntitude, you ask? Mess with my niece and nephew and you will find out!

Auntitude. What is auntitude, you ask? Mess with my niece and nephew and you will find out!

Being a sister is an honor. Being an aunt is priceless.

Being a sister is an honor. Being an aunt is priceless.

Uncles are not totally useless. We can be used as bad examples.

Uncles are not totally useless. We can be used as bad examples.

I don't always enjoy being an a**hole (censored only here)... Oh wait, yes I do.

I don't always enjoy being an a**hole (censored only here)... Oh wait, yes I do.

The good in me got tired of everything, so the evil came out to play.

The good in me got tired of everything, so the evil came out to play.

I never dreamed I'd grow up to be a crazy sister, but here I am killing it.

I never dreamed I'd grow up to be a crazy sister, but here I am killing it.

I hate it when people can't see the wrong in their actions but see the wrong in mine.

I hate it when people can't see the wrong in their actions but see the wrong in mine.

I just asked myself if I'm crazy and we said no.

I just asked myself if I'm crazy and we said no.

If I'm spoiled, it's my grandpa's fault. Saw it, liked it, told grandpa, got it.

If I'm spoiled, it's my grandpa's fault. Saw it, liked it, told grandpa, got it.

Not only does my mind wander... sometimes it walks off completely.

Not only does my mind wander... sometimes it walks off completely.

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

I am putting myself in timeout until I can play nice with others. This may take a while because stupid people are everywhere.

I am putting myself in timeout until I can play nice with others. This may take a while because stupid people are everywhere.

You will never find another me. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's the truth.

You will never find another me. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's the truth.

If you don't want the truth, don't ask me. If you want something sugarcoated, go eat a donut.

If you don't want the truth, don't ask me. If you want something sugarcoated, go eat a donut.

Why should I apologize for the monster I have become? No one ever apologized for making me this way!

Why should I apologize for the monster I have become? No one ever apologized for making me this way!

Reality of parenting somewhere between "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Welcome to the Jungle".

Reality of parenting somewhere between "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Welcome to the Jungle".

Rock. Paper. Scissors. Throat punch! I win.

Rock. Paper. Scissors. Throat punch! I win.

Don't mess with Grandmasaurus, you'll get jurasskicked.

Don't mess with Grandmasaurus, you'll get jurasskicked.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

You think I'm sarcastic? You should hear what I don't say.

You think I'm sarcastic? You should hear what I don't say.

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

5 things you should know about my smartass daughter:

5 things you should know about my smartass daughter:

When you meet me, you think I'm quiet. When you talk to me, you wish I was quiet. When you know me, you get scared when I'm quiet.

When you meet me, you think I'm quiet. When you talk to me, you wish I was quiet. When you know me, you get scared when I'm quiet.

I'm the type of girl who will punch you in the face rather than stab you in the back!

I'm the type of girl who will punch you in the face rather than stab you in the back!

Stop asking why I'm crazy. I don't ask why you're so stupid.

Stop asking why I'm crazy. I don't ask why you're so stupid.

Warning! This girl is protected by the good Lord and a crazy family.

Warning! This girl is protected by the good Lord and a crazy family.

The only thing I love more than being a Mom and Grandma is being a Great Grandma.

The only thing I love more than being a Mom and Grandma is being a Great Grandma.

15I'm not short. I'm just concentrated awesome.

15I'm not short. I'm just concentrated awesome.

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