Funny Sayings (452)

Forty Degrees Out and I still Took The Bike My Fingers Disagree

My Wife Thinks I Own Two Rods let's keep It That Way

Head Of Security inspects Every Grocery Bag Before It's Unpacked

Bath Time my dog acts like It's The End Of The World

Keeps Eye Contact while pushing My Mug Off The Table

My Cat Ignores Her Name but hears The Can Opener Instantly

"I'm Not Asleep" he's just Resting His Eyes And Snoring Loudly

My Husband Knows Which Neighbor still has Every Tool He Lent Out

Full Tank Open Road and Nowhere I Have To Be

I Can Wait Five Hours for one fish But Not Five Minutes At The Mall

3 AM my cat's favorite time to Run Laps Across My Bed

My Cat's Favorite Show is Birds Live From The Window

My Dog's Ball rolled under The Couch Now It's My Problem

Twelve Years of chasing Squirrels Zero Caught Still Hopeful

He Doesn't Need Directions he's just taking The Scenic Route Again

Spent Twenty Minutes looking for the remote He Was Sitting On It

One Wave on the highway and A Stranger Becomes Family

My Lucky Fishing Hat has never been Washed And Never Will Be

One Look At That Guilty Face and I know Somebody Found The Trash

Just Mopped The Floor my dog took that As An Invitation

The Bowl Is Full but the middle is visible So Apparently We're Starving

Cat On My Lap so I guess I Live Here Now Someone Bring Snacks

Hold My Ladder is how my husband starts Every Single Bad Idea

My Husband Kicks The Tires like they're going to Tell Him Something

I Spend More Time Polishing Chrome than I spend Talking To People

My Cooler Is Packed with sandwiches, ice and Pure Hope The Fish Are Optional

Official Backseat Driver head out the window and Ears In The Wind

Those Aren't Smudges on my windows they're Nose Art By My Dog

Bought Her Fancy Toys and she still stole My Hair Tie

That Slow Blink means I love you Or Feed Me Probably Feed Me

He Reloads The Dishwasher right after I load it Because There's A System

He Will Carry Every Grocery Bag in one single trip Or Die Trying

Some Nights I don't even ride I Just Sit In The Garage And Admire Her

She Asked How Many I Caught I told her I had A Very Peaceful Day

Picked Up The Leash without a sound and He's At The Door Before I Turn Around

Bought A Queen Bed the dog gets Two Thirds I Get The Edge