Funny Sayings (574)

Age is just a number mine is On The Odometer Still Rolling Strong

My dog loves me for my Dad Bod it's the comfiest Napping Spot In Town

Veteran Grandpa Rule #1 Protect The Grandkids Rule #2 Spoil Them Rotten served then, serving now

Formal Attire Dog Hair Everywhere Absolutely On Purpose

Work From Home My Cat Is The Manager Raises Are Paid In Treats

Dear Santa Let's Define "Nice" Before You Make Any Promises

I Joined a Book Club For the Plot I Stay For the Snacks And Cancel Plans

Campfire Crew Chief Marshmallow Quality Control Taking This Job Very Seriously

My Plants Have Names Their Own Shelf And Better Light Than My Home Office

Coffee First Small Talk Later Let's Not Make This A Whole Thing

Holiday Party Plan Arrive Say Hello Find the Snacks Leave Before Karaoke

I Came to Play Not to Keep Score Just Kidding Every Point Counts

Teacher Mode Currently On Break Please Direct All Questions To the Snack Table

New House Same Snacks Same Favorite Chair Just More Boxes To Sit On

Fishing Trip Report Fresh Air Great Company One Tiny Fish Story No Receipts

Weekend Brunch Caffeinated Well Fed Taking Reservations For My Couch

Uncle Fun Fund Budget Approved Snacks Arcade Tokens And One Very Loud Toy

Dog Dad Schedule Walk the Dog Tell the Dog Good Job Repeat Forever

Tree Decorating Lights? Checked Ornaments? Judged Hot Cocoa? Required

Sibling Group Chat Muting It For Peace and Quiet Checking Back In Two Minutes

Official Table Scrap Inspector Thanksgiving Shift no crumb left behind

Most Likely To Hide A Second Plate In The Microwave Thanksgiving family crew

Age is just a number so is how many Pie Slices I Had Today

Traded My Uniform For A Grill Apron Proud Veteran still serving the family

I'm not old I'm A Vintage Model still on the Naughty List

Most Likely To Fall Asleep Mid Gift Wrapping Christmas family crew

Jingle All The Way off the tree Says My Cat one ornament at a time

My dog made The Nice List I had to Hire A Lawyer

Husband. Dad. Recliner Certified Dad Bod Approved built on wedding cake

Age is just a number the real number is Miles On My Bike Still Riding

Working Christmas So You Don't Have To Nurse Life save me a plate

Thankful For Coffee and the patience It Gives Me

Miles Away All Year Home For The Holidays Trucker Dad best delivery ever

Retired Veteran Promoted To Grandpa Best Rank Yet reporting for spoiling duty

This seat is reserved for the family favorite who brought snacks No Exceptions

Running On Coffee and holiday cheer mostly the coffee cheer is pending