Funny Sayings (574)

My Shopping Cart ninety percent Classroom Supplies Ten Percent Coffee

My Dashboard has One Family Photo It Rides Every Mile With Me

I Touched My Shoes and the dog Is Already At The Door

My Kid Said "The Dog Ate It" and honestly He Probably Did

She Begged To Come Inside then two minutes later Begged To Go Back Out

My Cat Talks Back More Than My Teenagers

My Morning Meeting Is With Coffee attendance is mandatory small talk is not

I Talk To My Plants they Have Opinions Mostly About My Watering Schedule

One More Chapter Then I'll Go Absolutely Nowhere my plans were canceled by this book

Chief Snack Officer department of Crumb Control open during All Business Hours

My Weekend Plans include laundry and folding laundry and avoiding The Laundry

I Live Here according to the lease but my cat says I'm Staff No Benefits

Thanks For Inviting Me I Had A Great Time now I will spend Three Days Recovering

Every Plant Deserves A Fresh Start including the one I Forgot To Water

I Joined Book Club for the books I stayed for The Snacks And Gossip

Professional Napper training schedule starts after One More Nap No Autographs

Kitchen Dance Party guest list Me the fridge and this song

Monday Is Loading Please Wait coffee is installing My Personality Do Not Unplug

Reading Is My Cardio I turn pages at a brisk pace From The Couch Hydration Breaks Included

Recipe Says A Pinch I heard One More Pinch the kitchen agrees Mostly

Official Cookie Inspector quality control requires a sample Every Batch Several Samples

Currently Accepting Blanket Fortions please address all questions to The Couch

Tree Decorating Boss my duties include Untangling Lights and snack breaks Mostly Snack Breaks

Family Game Night Referee rules are flexible when I'm losing Rematch Anyone Best Two Out Of Three

Out Of Office out of errands out of small talk Into Sweatpants All Weekend

I'm just here for The Stuffing And The Cat who stole my chair again

Served My Country Now I Serve The Turkey Proud veteran, prouder grandpa

Age is just A Number mine comes with Extra Gravy

I'm not old I'm a Vintage Elf Limited Edition

Most Likely To Re-Wrap Last Year's Gift And Act Surprised Christmas family crew

Deck The Halls? my dog already Chewed The Garland Merry Christmas from the guilty one

Oh Christmas Tree my cat thinks You're A Jungle Gym ornaments not included

Dad Bod Biker Soul the belly is just Extra Ballast

I'll be home after One More Cast said every husband Ever

Thankful For Compression Socks strong coffee and My Night Shift Crew

Teacher Countdown Days Till Winter Break Not That I'm Counting okay, I'm counting